If you’ve been in Christian circles for any length of time, you’ve probably heard sermons and teachings about the different words for “love” in the ancient Greek language. Depending on how many words a person wants to include, you might have heard that there’s αγαπη, categorized as unconditional love, φιλος, categorized as friendship, or fondness, or brotherly love, ερος, categorized as romantic or sexual love, στοργη, categorized as love between family members, and so on, although only the first two words are found in the Bible. Of course, in English, we just have the word “love.” The classic example showing scriptural distinction is where Jesus asks Simon Peter in John 21:15-17, “Simon [son] of John, are you loving me more than these?” where he uses αγαπη. Peter responds, “Yes, Lord; you have known that I am loving you.” using φιλος. Jesus repeats the question, “Simon [son] of John, are you loving me?” using αγαπη again. Peter responds, “Yes, Lord; you have known that I am loving you.” using φιλος again. But then, the third time, Jesus asks, “Simon, [son] of John, are you loving me?” using φιλος. Peter was grieved that he said that, when he asked him the third time and used that word. So, we see from this passage of scripture that the distinction is quite significant and profound. Let’s look at the English definition. Let’s see. “An intense feeling of deep affection, a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone, a great interest and pleasure in something,” and so on. Hmm. Nothing about unconditional or self-sacrificial love in there. But then, that’s just secular English. You would think that the ancient Greek language resolves this with more specific words. But let’s look up the words in the LSJ, a secular lexicon that covers all of classical Greek literary works, not restricting itself to the Bible: αγαπη. That’s actually fairly broad, if you consider all the secular uses of the word. You see the few Bible citations in that definition here and there, but then that’s somewhat begging the question, isn’t it. φιλος. That’s actually fairly broad, too. You can see that it has more to do with friendship, things that are pleasing to a person, fondness, and so on, but there is some overlap with αγαπη in definition. For the sake of completion, here’s ερος. Not a lot of references. Note that ερος is also the name of a Greek god of sexual attraction, although I don’t know whether the common word was named after the god or the god was named after the common word. And here’s στοργη. Affection, especially of parents and children, and so on. But again, you can see a lot of overlap with the other words. So, what do we say, that all those preachers at their pulpits preaching sermons about the distinct ancient Greek words for love were preaching wishful thinking? Here’s the thing. Nothing really has changed in 2000 years, or 3000 years, going back to the beginnings of classical Greek. “Love” is defined either according to a secular, godless mindset, or a Biblical, godly mindset. For the former, the sense is mostly about emotions and feelings. For the latter, we don’t really need the dictionaries to tell us what αγαπη means, because it is defined right in scripture, even explicitly, such as in 1 John 3:16 “We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” (1 John 3:16, NASB’95) Or in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13, NASB’95) When a lawyer tested Jesus on the subject of inheriting eternal life, and Jesus challenged him back to recite what is written in the Law, he quoted from the Old Testament and said, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27, NASB’95) Jesus responded that he had answered correctly, but the lawyer then asked, “And who is my neighbor?” (Luke 10:29, NASB’95) Jesus answered with the parable of the Good Samaritan, challenged the lawyer to identify the [quote]”neighbor”[unquote] in the parable, which was the Samaritan, of course, and said, “Go and do likewise” (Luke 10:37) 1 Cor 13 says, Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; (1 Cor 13:4-8) If you look at John 15:12, right before John 15:13, Jesus says, “This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13, NASB’95) You cannot command someone to have a feeling. And in Matt. 10:37, that [quote]”love”[unquote] is required to be greater than even the fondness one has for one’s parents or children. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” The Greek word used there is φιλος. Notice that he does not use στοργη, so he is not contradicting the natural bonds one has with parents or children. So then, the Bible defines what it means. And again, “love” is defined either according to a secular mindset having to do with what one feels about someone or something, or a Biblical, godly mindset that mandates a committed choice regardless of feelings, and as opposed to self-interest and self-fulfillment. I personally avoid using the English word “love” when communicating God’s Word to people in public. That is because “love” to most people has to do with self-fulfillment and self interest. To just say something like “God loves you” or “Jesus loves you” without careful definition and qualification will leave a person looking to see what they can get out of the deal, in the same way that they love chocolate, a favorite song, their dream car, a pet dog, or a person with whom they have a romantic interest to have a self-fulfilling personal relationship. The thing to remember is that this was the case in the ancient Greek speaking public and secular Greek literature as well. The carnal, human nature is not peculiar to the English-speaking world or this era of modern history. So, keep focused on what the Word of God says on the matter and do your best to communicate using meaningful English terminology.